Well, another birthday has come to pass. I am now a legal adult and of course, as always, for the past 18 years of my life I did not celebrate. I always get all hyped up to do so, but ultimately when it comes down to it, I don't see the point in celebrating getting a year older. I suppose I am just a year round all-American scrooge. So sue me.
What's really been bothering me lately is where I am going to go to college next year. (Yes, I go to BGSU now but it is not a real school, so it doesn't count). I have two very wonderful options, but both come with an equal amount of baggage... here is a little list of pros and cons I made so that one can establish my predicament.
Colorado University at Boulder:
Gorgeous Scenery
My favorite place in the world
New places, new faces
A chance to escape
Far from home
I know no one
Super expensive
I have to tell the few people I love, and be away from them
Ohio University at Athens:
I know more people
Closer to home
Beautiful campus
I have to keep living my past (its a hub for northwest ohio)
Amazinggggggggg parties
Obviously I am in a clusterfuck of a situation. The main thing keeping me from hitting the "accept" button at Colorado is separation from the few people that a do adore here...and by few....I mean few. By getting out of here I can really show people the true me, and can stop living in the image that everyone has already created for me. But I don't know who to tell my family or my boyfriend or my best friend. I feel almost selfish for wanting to go out there for my own personal reasons. My head is all jumbled up and confused. All I know is that I need to get away, get to anywhere. My loneliness is really started to consume me, and it really, really, fucking scares me this time.
"Not the needle, nor the thread, the lost decree
Saying nothing, thats enough for me."
-L.
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